# A Thread for Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** general\ **Created:** [November 8, 2013, 1:40am UTC](https://cog.discourse.group/t/a-thread-for-jokes/522 "2013-11-08T01:40:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Nabiki](https://sea1.discourse-cdn.com/flex001/user_avatar/cog.discourse.group/nabiki/32/935_2.png) [@Nabiki](https://cog.discourse.group/u/Nabiki)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2013, 1:40am UTC](https://cog.discourse.group/t/a-thread-for-jokes/522/1 "2013-11-08T01:40:52Z")
How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce unionized. ---
**Author:** ![sig](https://sea1.discourse-cdn.com/flex001/user_avatar/cog.discourse.group/sig/32/286_2.png) [@sig](https://cog.discourse.group/u/sig)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2013, 4:51pm UTC](https://cog.discourse.group/t/a-thread-for-jokes/522/2 "2013-11-08T16:51:45Z")
Knock knock. Who’s there? 9/11. 9/11 wh– YOU SAID YOU’D NEVER FORGET! ---
**Author:** ![ElGee](https://sea1.discourse-cdn.com/flex001/user_avatar/cog.discourse.group/elgee/32/62_2.png) [@ElGee](https://cog.discourse.group/u/ElGee)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 8:25pm UTC](https://cog.discourse.group/t/a-thread-for-jokes/522/3 "2013-11-26T20:25:17Z")
When I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium were getting together, I was like, “OMG!” ---
**Author:** ![Sunbeam](https://sea1.discourse-cdn.com/flex001/user_avatar/cog.discourse.group/sunbeam/32/43_2.png) [@Sunbeam](https://cog.discourse.group/u/Sunbeam)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 8:36pm UTC](https://cog.discourse.group/t/a-thread-for-jokes/522/4 "2013-11-26T20:36:05Z")
Jokes from my kids: _Izverg_: KNOCK KNOCK Who’s there? DRAGON! Dragon who? RAAAAAHHH!!! _Ivan_: KNOCK KNOCK Who’s there? ORANGE. Orange who? KNOCK KNOCK Who’s there? BANANA Banana who? AREN’T YOU GLAD I DIDN’T SAY “ORANGE” AGAIN? (He kinda missed the point of that one. 😉 ) ---
**Author:** ![Force10](https://sea1.discourse-cdn.com/flex001/user_avatar/cog.discourse.group/force10/32/1550_2.png) [@Force10](https://cog.discourse.group/u/Force10)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 10:40pm UTC](https://cog.discourse.group/t/a-thread-for-jokes/522/5 "2013-11-26T22:40:47Z")
Johnny was a chemist’s son, but Johnny is no more. For what Johnny thought was H2O was H2SO4. ---
**Author:** ![Boomer](https://sea1.discourse-cdn.com/flex001/user_avatar/cog.discourse.group/boomer/32/1437_2.png) [@Boomer](https://cog.discourse.group/u/Boomer)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2013, 1:08am UTC](https://cog.discourse.group/t/a-thread-for-jokes/522/6 "2013-12-21T01:08:35Z")
What kind of ice cream does Cthulhu like? ![](http://cog.discourse.group/uploads/cog/73/6469fc8ee3e69cff.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![moufassa](https://sea1.discourse-cdn.com/flex001/user_avatar/cog.discourse.group/moufassa/32/41_2.png) [@moufassa](https://cog.discourse.group/u/moufassa)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2013, 11:38am UTC](https://cog.discourse.group/t/a-thread-for-jokes/522/7 "2013-12-23T11:38:41Z")
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago. Not to be outdone by the Brits, in the weeks that followed, an American archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story published in the New York Times: “American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the British”. One week later, the State’s Dept of Minerals and Energy in Western Australia, reported the following: “After digging as deep as 30 feet in Western Australia’s Pilbara region, Michael (Chucka) Garvey, a highly credentialed Telstra employee and self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely fuck all. Michael has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Australia had already gone wireless.” ---
**Author:** ![MsTanja](https://sea1.discourse-cdn.com/flex001/user_avatar/cog.discourse.group/mstanja/32/84_2.png) [@MsTanja](https://cog.discourse.group/u/MsTanja)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2014, 3:09am UTC](https://cog.discourse.group/t/a-thread-for-jokes/522/8 "2014-01-10T03:09:44Z")
What’s brown and sticky? . . . . . . Wait for it… . . . . . . A stick. . . \< runs \> ---
**Author:** ![TechnoMistress](https://sea1.discourse-cdn.com/flex001/user_avatar/cog.discourse.group/technomistress/32/3981_2.png) [@TechnoMistress](https://cog.discourse.group/u/TechnoMistress)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2014, 4:22pm UTC](https://cog.discourse.group/t/a-thread-for-jokes/522/9 "2014-01-10T16:22:03Z")
😛 It’s so dumb it made me laugh… ---
**Author:** ![Sunbeam](https://sea1.discourse-cdn.com/flex001/user_avatar/cog.discourse.group/sunbeam/32/43_2.png) [@Sunbeam](https://cog.discourse.group/u/Sunbeam)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2014, 4:44pm UTC](https://cog.discourse.group/t/a-thread-for-jokes/522/10 "2014-01-10T16:44:39Z")
Heheh, this will be a good segue from the above joke featuring Australia . . . Ivan (5-yr-old) has a “joke” he tells every once in a while: Q: What is more than Australia? A: NOTHING! Nothing is on Australia! Eh-eh-eh-eh! (stupid laugh he does when he thinks he’s being funny) I don’t know where he got it, but it’s his favorite joke right now. I hold out hope that his jokes improve over time, or there will be an education. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![moufassa](https://sea1.discourse-cdn.com/flex001/user_avatar/cog.discourse.group/moufassa/32/41_2.png) [@moufassa](https://cog.discourse.group/u/moufassa)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2014, 3:09am UTC](https://cog.discourse.group/t/a-thread-for-jokes/522/11 "2014-01-14T03:09:31Z")
Does he mean nothing is IN Australia? Because that’s not strictly correct. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Sunbeam](https://sea1.discourse-cdn.com/flex001/user_avatar/cog.discourse.group/sunbeam/32/43_2.png) [@Sunbeam](https://cog.discourse.group/u/Sunbeam)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2014, 5:14am UTC](https://cog.discourse.group/t/a-thread-for-jokes/522/12 "2014-01-14T05:14:24Z")
He says “on”. He’s five. Words are like toys, and stupid things are uproariously funny. 😄 ---
**Author:** ![moufassa](https://sea1.discourse-cdn.com/flex001/user_avatar/cog.discourse.group/moufassa/32/41_2.png) [@moufassa](https://cog.discourse.group/u/moufassa)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2014, 2:09am UTC](https://cog.discourse.group/t/a-thread-for-jokes/522/13 "2014-01-15T02:09:53Z")
Hehe, kids. Re-reading my post… I meant that the statement “there is nothing in Australia” isn’t strictly correct, not the on/in confusion. 😉 Still, it makes me wonder what my son will be coming up with in 3.5 years’ time when he’s Ivan’s age! ---
**Author:** ![MsTanja](https://sea1.discourse-cdn.com/flex001/user_avatar/cog.discourse.group/mstanja/32/84_2.png) [@MsTanja](https://cog.discourse.group/u/MsTanja)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2014, 9:26pm UTC](https://cog.discourse.group/t/a-thread-for-jokes/522/14 "2014-01-19T21:26:53Z")
Poop… 5 and 6 year olds are obsessed with poop, eyeballs, boogers, snot, farts and everything else that’s gross. My 6 year old finds any excuse to bring up the word poop in a conversation and then she will just think it’s the funniest thing ever. I say I’ll be glad when she’s out of this stage, but actually poop is kind of funny… ---
**Author:** ![Nabiki](https://sea1.discourse-cdn.com/flex001/user_avatar/cog.discourse.group/nabiki/32/935_2.png) [@Nabiki](https://cog.discourse.group/u/Nabiki)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2014, 11:43pm UTC](https://cog.discourse.group/t/a-thread-for-jokes/522/15 "2014-01-19T23:43:18Z")
Then you should probably get her [this](http://www.amazon.com/dp/0857521217/ref=wl_it_dp_o_pC_nS_ttl?_encoding=UTF8&colid=3FSFIPDSVL8QX&coliid=I28BGEAXU8GHMH). You can’t lose. Terry Pratchett _and_ poo! ---
**Author:** ![MsTanja](https://sea1.discourse-cdn.com/flex001/user_avatar/cog.discourse.group/mstanja/32/84_2.png) [@MsTanja](https://cog.discourse.group/u/MsTanja)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2014, 12:55am UTC](https://cog.discourse.group/t/a-thread-for-jokes/522/16 "2014-01-20T00:55:18Z")
Cool… I think I will get that. Especially since I pulled a dick parenting move and put her Barbie Princess and the Pop Star (gag) book in the box that went to Goodwill. Probably wouldn’t have been such a bad thing, but it was the first book she bought with her very own money and she was so proud of it. I just couldn’t stand it though, reading it to her quite literally made me want to puke and then I went on this feminist rant that probably ruined her childhood. ---
**Author:** ![Woodman](https://sea1.discourse-cdn.com/flex001/user_avatar/cog.discourse.group/woodman/32/24_2.png) [@Woodman](https://cog.discourse.group/u/Woodman)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2014, 1:36pm UTC](https://cog.discourse.group/t/a-thread-for-jokes/522/17 "2014-01-20T13:36:49Z")
I am reading Wee Free Men to my six year old daughter. There is a feminine role model I don’t mind her following. ---
**Author:** ![Force10](https://sea1.discourse-cdn.com/flex001/user_avatar/cog.discourse.group/force10/32/1550_2.png) [@Force10](https://cog.discourse.group/u/Force10)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2014, 5:20pm UTC](https://cog.discourse.group/t/a-thread-for-jokes/522/18 "2014-01-20T17:20:18Z")
I’m damn near 40 and I still think poop and farts are funny. But I understand where you’re coming from. My girlfriend’s niece is 6 and she is totally that way. 😄 ---
**Author:** ![PadrinoFive7](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/df788c/32.png) [@PadrinoFive7](https://cog.discourse.group/u/PadrinoFive7)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2014, 6:12pm UTC](https://cog.discourse.group/t/a-thread-for-jokes/522/19 "2014-02-24T18:12:20Z")
My oldest is getting into this phase as of a week ago. Out of nowhere, she randomly says, “Poop”, and then starts laughing herself to tears. Then I think to myself, ‘_Well, it’s no different then me saying “Shit”, but that’s usually followed by me having to fix something._’ Maybe I’m doing it wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Gnatdbug](https://sea1.discourse-cdn.com/flex001/user_avatar/cog.discourse.group/gnatdbug/32/1427_2.png) [@Gnatdbug](https://cog.discourse.group/u/Gnatdbug)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2014, 3:53pm UTC](https://cog.discourse.group/t/a-thread-for-jokes/522/21 "2014-07-12T15:53:13Z")
For those who didn’t see it on facebook or Reddit… Humor out of Alignment: A wizard and Fighter are fighting a bunch of enemies together. At a lull in the battle the wizard sees the fighter is using a small dagger instead of his usual sword. “Where is your sword?” asks the wizard. “I impaled a Druid at the top of yon hill, we can get it when we are finished.” At the end of the battle they work their way to the top of the hill and there is no body, no sword. “You idiot,” says the wizard “of course its gone, you never leave it in Neutral at the top of an incline…” My favorite response to this gem was “a loud hiss echos from the ventilation shaft grating you uttered the joke from. Somewhere deep in a maze of poorly lit air ports and rotating fans, a creature’s scorn has been earned.” EDIT: That response continued with: “Goblin [redacted] think joke is bad, such bad joke make [redacted] mad! [Redacted] shriek and cry with fear, that such bad joke reach goblin ear.” [Next page](https://cog.discourse.group/t/a-thread-for-jokes/522.md?page=2)