# Things you wish you could say (at work) **URL:** \ **Category:** george\ **Created:** [August 24, 2013, 4:17pm UTC](https://cog.discourse.group/t/things-you-wish-you-could-say-at-work/435 "2013-08-24T16:17:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 23
**Author:** ![Viking](https://sea1.discourse-cdn.com/flex001/user_avatar/cog.discourse.group/viking/32/32_2.png) [@Viking](https://cog.discourse.group/u/Viking)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2014, 12:01am UTC](https://cog.discourse.group/t/things-you-wish-you-could-say-at-work/435/448 "2014-08-13T00:01:25Z")
This is more of a “things I do say at work”, rather than wishful fantasising. At the end of the day I have been known to quote Cartman from South Park: “Screw you guys, I’m going home.” ---
**Author:** ![Ook](https://sea1.discourse-cdn.com/flex001/user_avatar/cog.discourse.group/ook/32/72_2.png) [@Ook](https://cog.discourse.group/u/Ook)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2014, 2:25pm UTC](https://cog.discourse.group/t/things-you-wish-you-could-say-at-work/435/449 "2014-08-13T14:25:51Z")
Yeah, screw you guys. Not you guys, the guys here at $work… 😛 Anyways, TL;DR - mother company in $country reached the limits for VPN accounts on their firewall appliance. We tried to get a new router so as to allow for site-to-site VPN, but was not successful. Only now recently did we manage to get $top\_brass to understand what we need and do, that the router was delivered (albeit very reluctantly). It is in the process of being commissioned as I type this. Also had some fun today. Nearly downloaded some brownware when I played around with one of our Minolta printerers (we need user authentication for.every.single.print.job) and I needed to check if we can get some sort of accounting thing going on the printerers. Luckily panic is part and parcel of my experience, made me step back and think “WTF did I just do???” Suffice to say the printerer is printering once more… and I have learnt something. Ah well, gotta tell $Boss I’ll be in on Sunday (not Saturday as it’s our Sabbath) to see if I can set up user accounting on the printerer, it’ll be easier that way, less people moo-ing about their preciouses jobs not printering. Ook out. ---
**Author:** ![Ook](https://sea1.discourse-cdn.com/flex001/user_avatar/cog.discourse.group/ook/32/72_2.png) [@Ook](https://cog.discourse.group/u/Ook)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2014, 2:26pm UTC](https://cog.discourse.group/t/things-you-wish-you-could-say-at-work/435/450 "2014-08-13T14:26:53Z")
Dear $Minolta\_printerer Kindly fsck off and do as I say. kthanxbai ---
**Author:** ![moufassa](https://sea1.discourse-cdn.com/flex001/user_avatar/cog.discourse.group/moufassa/32/41_2.png) [@moufassa](https://cog.discourse.group/u/moufassa)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2014, 4:13am UTC](https://cog.discourse.group/t/things-you-wish-you-could-say-at-work/435/451 "2014-08-14T04:13:42Z")
> [@Ook](#): > > Dear $every\_printerer\_known\_to\_everyone > > Kindly fsck off and do as I say. > > kthanxbai Fixed that for you. ---
**Author:** ![Ook](https://sea1.discourse-cdn.com/flex001/user_avatar/cog.discourse.group/ook/32/72_2.png) [@Ook](https://cog.discourse.group/u/Ook)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2014, 11:56am UTC](https://cog.discourse.group/t/things-you-wish-you-could-say-at-work/435/452 "2014-08-15T11:56:46Z")
Dear $Joker All right, which of you guys tole the printerer to scan in, and email to me “NARF”? Now I’ve got the pinky and brain theme song stuck in my head… ---
**Author:** ![Viking](https://sea1.discourse-cdn.com/flex001/user_avatar/cog.discourse.group/viking/32/32_2.png) [@Viking](https://cog.discourse.group/u/Viking)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2014, 2:49pm UTC](https://cog.discourse.group/t/things-you-wish-you-could-say-at-work/435/453 "2014-08-15T14:49:54Z")
[quote=“Ook, post:449, topic:435”] Luckily panic is part and parcel of my experience, made me step back and think “WTF did I just do???”[/quote] Ah. Young Padawan, you have experienced the trouser-filling essence of the Oh-No-Second. The instant in time right after you commit an irrecoverable command what you realise that you’ve done it wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Gnatdbug](https://sea1.discourse-cdn.com/flex001/user_avatar/cog.discourse.group/gnatdbug/32/1427_2.png) [@Gnatdbug](https://cog.discourse.group/u/Gnatdbug)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2014, 4:28pm UTC](https://cog.discourse.group/t/things-you-wish-you-could-say-at-work/435/454 "2014-08-15T16:28:24Z")
I did that once in college. I ran a program and had it overwrite its source code with its output. After the 45 minute panic attack it took me an hour to recreate the program that initially had taken me 2 weeks to write. Thank goodness the point of the project was to create documentation of everything in the program (variable names, what they did, why they did it, etc.) and I had very good notes at that point. ---
**Author:** ![dakboy](https://sea1.discourse-cdn.com/flex001/user_avatar/cog.discourse.group/dakboy/32/68_2.png) [@dakboy](https://cog.discourse.group/u/dakboy)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2014, 1:47pm UTC](https://cog.discourse.group/t/things-you-wish-you-could-say-at-work/435/455 "2014-08-21T13:47:52Z")
Dear $Vendor, The problem isn’t so much that you’re pulling data late, it’s that **we have to tell you that you were late** - you know our requirements and expectations, yet **we** have to tell **you** when **your systems** miss the schedule. If you told us **before** missing the schedule that we might have a miss, we’d be _slightly_ more forgiving. ---
**Author:** ![Ook](https://sea1.discourse-cdn.com/flex001/user_avatar/cog.discourse.group/ook/32/72_2.png) [@Ook](https://cog.discourse.group/u/Ook)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2014, 8:46am UTC](https://cog.discourse.group/t/things-you-wish-you-could-say-at-work/435/456 "2014-08-26T08:46:57Z")
Dear $cow-orker You tried to connect to the server on Friday after wiping and reinstalling your craptop. Then why didn’t you call me then when you had issues in connecting to the server? Or did you intentionally plan to goof off on that day? ---
**Author:** ![PadrinoFive7](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/df788c/32.png) [@PadrinoFive7](https://cog.discourse.group/u/PadrinoFive7)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2014, 5:47pm UTC](https://cog.discourse.group/t/things-you-wish-you-could-say-at-work/435/457 "2014-08-28T17:47:15Z")
Yes, very bad, indeed. What’s worse, however, is the fact that one of the major reasons this has happened to every single instance $luser has submitted is for the short, simple fact that $luser doesn’t understand her arse from a hole in the ground when it comes to the system and the data held within. So, when she submits sh!t, she’ll receive it in kind. Of course, she’ll expect things to end up a certain way, when, in fact, the system is doing _exactly what it was designed to do_. But that’s over $luser’s head. It should work her way because potato. Kindly get off your soapbox proclaiming $luser to be the martyr of the year to our system’s demanding dictatorial ways. ---
**Author:** ![Blurr](https://sea1.discourse-cdn.com/flex001/user_avatar/cog.discourse.group/blurr/32/4237_2.png) [@Blurr](https://cog.discourse.group/u/Blurr)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2014, 7:12pm UTC](https://cog.discourse.group/t/things-you-wish-you-could-say-at-work/435/458 "2014-08-28T19:12:04Z")
Thanks a lot for giving us extra work to do by putting the APs on top of the ceiling covers. Now we have to go through supposed location and lift up tiles until we find one. Jerks. ---
**Author:** ![sig](https://sea1.discourse-cdn.com/flex001/user_avatar/cog.discourse.group/sig/32/286_2.png) [@sig](https://cog.discourse.group/u/sig)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2014, 12:49pm UTC](https://cog.discourse.group/t/things-you-wish-you-could-say-at-work/435/459 "2014-08-29T12:49:14Z")
We are not tragiilariously behind the rest of the world in terms of technology and processes. We have Internet access. We are not running Windows XP and Office 2007 (if we’re lucky). We really do find some of the best and brightest. The mission is worth this. I have a future here. ---
**Author:** ![Woodman](https://sea1.discourse-cdn.com/flex001/user_avatar/cog.discourse.group/woodman/32/24_2.png) [@Woodman](https://cog.discourse.group/u/Woodman)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2014, 1:18pm UTC](https://cog.discourse.group/t/things-you-wish-you-could-say-at-work/435/460 "2014-08-29T13:18:09Z")
Hey now, I’m typing this on a machine running XP and Office 2007. At least you aren’t in NASA running a spaceship with a hardened 486sx. ---
**Author:** ![RoadRunner](https://sea1.discourse-cdn.com/flex001/user_avatar/cog.discourse.group/roadrunner/32/63_2.png) [@RoadRunner](https://cog.discourse.group/u/RoadRunner)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2014, 3:30pm UTC](https://cog.discourse.group/t/things-you-wish-you-could-say-at-work/435/461 "2014-08-29T15:30:59Z")
Ha! I just put a 486dx on the curb a couple days ago. Almost shed a tear… good times. ---
**Author:** ![Blurr](https://sea1.discourse-cdn.com/flex001/user_avatar/cog.discourse.group/blurr/32/4237_2.png) [@Blurr](https://cog.discourse.group/u/Blurr)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2014, 4:35pm UTC](https://cog.discourse.group/t/things-you-wish-you-could-say-at-work/435/462 "2014-08-29T16:35:35Z")
You know, you keep saying that if a person takes on a ticket, they are responsible for seeing it through to the end. And yet, more often than not, you keep dumping tickets you’ve acknowledged and started working on to me, for whatever reason and these aren’t even complex tickets, when I already have other tickets to deal with. It’s things like this that lessen my respect for you. Your predecessor never did this. She was too busy doing rather than talking and that made her very easy to respect. ---
**Author:** ![Ook](https://sea1.discourse-cdn.com/flex001/user_avatar/cog.discourse.group/ook/32/72_2.png) [@Ook](https://cog.discourse.group/u/Ook)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2014, 8:21am UTC](https://cog.discourse.group/t/things-you-wish-you-could-say-at-work/435/463 "2014-09-01T08:21:12Z")
Dear $Procurement Officer I gave you a couple of requsition forms for software and laptops we’re supposed to order. Then, two/three days after I gave it to you, you went on leave without re-assigning said requistion forms to somebody else. Today we have issues because of no laptops, and two new people employed. Now it makes me look bad. Please get lost, kthanxbai. ---
**Author:** ![Ook](https://sea1.discourse-cdn.com/flex001/user_avatar/cog.discourse.group/ook/32/72_2.png) [@Ook](https://cog.discourse.group/u/Ook)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2014, 8:35am UTC](https://cog.discourse.group/t/things-you-wish-you-could-say-at-work/435/464 "2014-09-02T08:35:07Z")
Dear $Project\_Damager Fek off and die. I’m busy with 5 other laptops before I can get to yours. I gave you a loaner yesterday to tide you over until I can get yours installed. Now shut the f\*\*\* up. ---
**Author:** ![ClockWorkXon](https://sea1.discourse-cdn.com/flex001/user_avatar/cog.discourse.group/clockworkxon/32/593_2.png) [@ClockWorkXon](https://cog.discourse.group/u/ClockWorkXon)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2014, 9:29am UTC](https://cog.discourse.group/t/things-you-wish-you-could-say-at-work/435/465 "2014-09-02T09:29:18Z")
> [@Ook](#): > > Dear $Procurement Officer > > Then, two/three days after I gave it to you, you went on leave without re-assigning said requistion forms to somebody else. Have you tried requisitioning a guillotine or a howitzer? Electric chair? ---
**Author:** ![Ook](https://sea1.discourse-cdn.com/flex001/user_avatar/cog.discourse.group/ook/32/72_2.png) [@Ook](https://cog.discourse.group/u/Ook)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2014, 10:13am UTC](https://cog.discourse.group/t/things-you-wish-you-could-say-at-work/435/466 "2014-09-02T10:13:46Z")
A howitzer sound good. I’m thinking of nuking said luser’s home directory with the good old rm -rf… (or del _._) ---
**Author:** ![ClockWorkXon](https://sea1.discourse-cdn.com/flex001/user_avatar/cog.discourse.group/clockworkxon/32/593_2.png) [@ClockWorkXon](https://cog.discourse.group/u/ClockWorkXon)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2014, 10:25am UTC](https://cog.discourse.group/t/things-you-wish-you-could-say-at-work/435/467 "2014-09-02T10:25:49Z")
For @Ook. [From Maxim 37 Industries](http://ovalkwiki.com/The+Seventy+Maxims+of+Maximally+Effective+Mercenaries) ![](http://cog.discourse.group/uploads/cog/521/4252084fb5653f64.jpg) Any issues with perspective or isometric parallelism is solely the fault of the Marketing Department. [Previous page](https://cog.discourse.group/t/things-you-wish-you-could-say-at-work/435.md?page=22) [Next page](https://cog.discourse.group/t/things-you-wish-you-could-say-at-work/435.md?page=24)