I’ve done a really good job of not freaking out so far. But I’m running out of not freaking out energy. I’ve found that there are just so many things you can bring yourself to care about in a day, or week, or month. And right now I think I’m about ready for a half an hour or so of panic, the problem being once you let go of that sort of thing you might not get a handle on it again.
I came in to the office to pretend it was a normal day, and everyone here is hacking up a lung. So I’m going to go home at lunch and work from there until I am able to handle sick people again. I might turn the music up loud and sing really loudly and badly. I think that may help. It’s better than curling into a little ball under the covers. Which sounds silly when I type it, and even thinking about it too hard seems over dramatic.
Talking about doing it makes it less likely I’ll end up doing it I guess. Thanks for being a cathartic experience.
I’m not entirely against curling into a ball under the covers. I’m not advocating giving up a melting down, but sometimes it is nice to have a mini vacation to escape the stress of the world an get some rest. When I have the need for that, it usually hits on Wednesday evenings.
If you have to freak out, then do it. Just go find a place where you can freak out completely without any serious repercussions (such as your basement or something.)
OK, bone marrow initial results are back, and CT scan results are here.
The bone marrow scan found no definitive indications of a cancerous malignancy. This does not mean I’m cured, as there isn’t one, and it doesn’t quite mean I’m in remission. But it’s so close to remission that it’s not worth running the PET scan to insure that I’m in remission yet.
Today and tomorrow are my last 2 day treatments. I’ll be back in three weeks for a blood test, and then a month after that I’ll do a one day chemo. My first of 12 more.
My immune system bounced back to normal, weird as hell. And I can’t sleep for shit now because steroids.
I’m in the middle of my longest time out of the cancer center. I don’t go back until May 5th.
There are a couple signs that maybe I might be more anemic than I was before, but we’ll see when I go back in. Other than that I feel pretty good, and will hopefully continue to. Every little odd thing that happens I’m paranoid about, feel tired, stand up too quick and get dizzy, have a bad poop, get fuzzy headed, whatever, it’s all the cancer. When it’s very likely it’s not, but I’m geared that way now.
OK, got a cough, maybe from the hair incident, maybe from Allergies. Anyway, this morning I coughed so much so hard that someone came by and found me non-responsive at my desk, eyes bloodshot and face bright red. They were hitting me in the back and calling my name. Eventually she asked if I was ok, I came to, breathed in and said no.
I remember this as a tunnel vision black moment with my headphones going and someone patting me on the shoulder. And totally unable to control my limbs. So I went to the doctor, probably allergies, maybe whooping cough? I now have the happy juice cough syrup, an inhaler, and a zpack.
But, while they were xraying me to make sure my lungs weren’t swimming, they found that my port is screwed up and I’ll need to get it switched out. Happy happy!
OK, new port last week. Fun times. Felt like it hurts more this time, especially right after, but they put me all the way out this time instead of twilight so it may have been the transition that made it feel worse.
Yesterday I put in a full day of work, waited outside for an hour for my wife to pick me up (Long unrelated story), drove home, replaced the windshield wiper motor on the car, cleaned the crap out of the car, went shopping at Meijer for some trip stuff, and went home to relax.
All this 4 days after surgery. Cancer can kiss my ass. If I keep riding my bike, and keep half an eye on what I’m eating, as well as walking chasing Pokemon eventualyl I’ll be ready for Judo again and then we’ll see.
Complete Remission diagnosed last Friday, the port will be taken out next Friday. Quarterly visits with my oncologist for a while and then we wait for it to come back in 5-15 years.
Well, not come back, but become active again. At which time they can likely cure it.
Nope, well wishes window is officially missed. I’ll haunt you in the afterlife if I die during the surgery.
Fuck you and your late congratulations. See if I ever recover from cancer again! I swear half the time it’s hardly even worth getting a potentially fatal disease.
Obviously sarcastic. I’m hoping once I get this done my cough goes away. It’s like once your body notices it’s there you are just out of luck.
