Well of course. And then they expect loyalty from an employee they under-pay and over-work. That’s just good business sense, right?
The best business sense there ever is!
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Braindumps: People go into testing environments, remember as many questions as they can, then copy them out once outside the testing environment. People that want to pass the test, but not learn the topic, memorize these.
Of course, do you really want to trust that the person who is smuggling the questions out in their head is doing so correctly? Especially as said person presumably doesn’t care about the cert enough to understand that the more people who obtain it the less valuable it is, and that it’s really easy to write questions that sound the same, but have different critical numbers.
My old job also had terms like ‘Paper MCSE’ or ‘Paper CCNA’ fly around to describe the situation in which someone has certifications but no practical (even home lab) experience. This is less common today, I think, but I’m sure it still occurs.
We had a guy who, honestly, seemed a bit challenged to most of the department. We figured he’s maybe just a little slow or not a great verbal communicator, and he did OK on night monitoring and level 1 jobs. He got his MCSE, and an engineer gave him a chance to show his skills by reinstalling the OS on some old server gear. Guy literally didn’t know how to boot from an OS CD, or (more importantly) how to figure it out. It was the early 2000s, we had Google. This wasn’t anything complicated like a virtualized environment, just an old server that someone wanted a clean OS install on. His chance at the server team ended there, I believe.
Turned out he was smuggling hardware out (had a routine of taking PCs/Printers to a secondary office, and would take a little extra for himself) and selling them for drug money. They brought back the recovered goods in a surprisingly large truck.
This long, meandering story is just one reason brain dumps are bad.
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I have lots of experience, but little or no qualifications. 
Continued from Job Advertisements
(in reply to @balance)
Oh, I’ve had experience of a guy similar to this. He’s attached to Sunderland University at the minute, and yes, the chap has full qualifications to hold his post of Chief of IT.
The only problem is that when I looked at his certificates, which he has up on the walls in his “office”, they were all dated in the mid-nineties. This guy had taken his Windows certification on a machine running NT3, and, from what I could tell from how he managed all the modern computer tech, he’d never had training since. What compounded the uselessness of his outdated training was that my whole campus had made the switch to MacOS…
This is a man who I found punching in the side of a Mac Pro in anger because he couldn’t install Sophos (don’t ask) on it. When I explained that he’d either need a MacOS version of it, or an alternative, he spent ten minutes lecturing me on how I was just a student and I didn’t know what I was talking about, until I picked up the box and read the first line of the System Requirements.
He pure hated me after that. So I made his life trouble by deliberately doing things he didn’t understand. My favourite was still putting a Linux LiveCD into a whole room full of new MacPros and watching him panic for hours over something that wasn’t Windows or MacOS. Other pranks included using the disability features to turn machines monochrome, or revert the colours, or set the cursor to be extra huge. This guy was allergic to Google, to these would go unchanged for days.
Edit: Moved to correct thread by Nabiki
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Thanks @Nabiki, I didn’t know whether this would be better off here or in the prank thread 
All I can say is “meh” upon seeing that post. Seems like the fakers love taking jobs away from the guys with the knowledge and qualifications…
But good on pranking him with things he doesnt understand, or is interested in 
What year was this?
Hey @sig, here’s a job posting for you.
http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2015-11-13
This was allll the way back in 2008-9 (academic year 2008).
Ah, so before they got caught data mining their customers.
@Ook: Fear not: I’ve often heard MCSE referred to as “Must Consult Someone Experienced.”
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Bwahahaha!
I got this one a few days ago. Talk about wall of text!
Data Quality Analyst
Qualifications:
JOB TITLE: Data Quality Analyst Job Description Department Overview The
Project Governance department’s mission is to improve the company’s
delivery of projects on budget, on plan, on purpose. We seek to advance
Project Management as a core competency at Client. We sustain
enterprise-wide project management standards and procedures that promote
repeatable high-quality results. Our core team is based on joint
membership from Finance and Operations. We drive better decision-making
for the company’s largest projects, in part through rigorous governance
and business cases as well as through ongoing tracking and reporting.
This function reports to the VP of Business Process Management (BPM). We
partner with the project management organizations across the utility to
advance best practices for achieving approved project objectives.
Project management is integrated into the business practices of the
operating lines of business (LOBs). LOBs are accountable for projects
throughout their lifecycle. Position Summary This position reports to
the Manager of Project Governance (PG). The PG team is responsible for
improving company-wide project management policies, procedures, and
standards; leading Enterprise-wide initiatives including the SAP Project
Systems Integration (SPSI), and Enterprise Project Management (EPM);
and running the monthly Executive Project Committee (EPC) meetings and
Project Executive Reporting (PER). SPSI was launched as a grassroots
effort to create integrated project management tools to improve our
ability to deliver projects on time, on budget, and on purpose. SPSI was
rolled out in 2015 and implemented a standard Work Breakdown Structure
(WBS) using SAP Project Systems, enabled project activity level costing
using SAP Plant Maintenance Operational Account Assignment (OAA)
capabilities; integrated SAP with Primavera P6 for project management
and scheduling; and developed new Business Intelligence (BI) reporting
capabilities using SAP Business Objects (BOBJ). PG is seeking an
experienced Data Quality Analyst to be in charge of analyzing SPSI data
quality for all LOBs. The successful candidate will be responsible for
processing large amounts of information from SPSI reports and making
informed decisions related to the extracted data. They will also create
detailed data reports for upper management, as well as participate in
business meetings to suggest new ideas for relevant processes. The
position may also coach and LOB analysts to perform similar analysis
within their departments. Typical functions include tracking error logs,
verifying the integrity of data, and reporting actionable data analysis
to supervisors or managers in the LOBs. The position may also perform
data abstraction and data entry into company databases, as well as
conduct root cause analysis and make recommendations for improvements.
Successful candidate must be detail-oriented, highly analytical, and
able to work independently in ambiguous environments. Candidate must be
able to take complex information and convey it to various levels of the
organization in a clear and concise manner. Workload is steady (some
evening and weekend work is not uncommon); work intensity is high-impact
and can be both fast paced-and demanding. Qualifications Minimum:
Bachelor s Degree in Business Administration, Business Intelligence and
Analytics, Data Science, Economics, Mathematics, Statistics, Information
Technology, or equivalent field 1-2 years experience working on
Business Intelligence and Analytics, data quality analysis, or
equivalent role. Education in BI / Analytics may substitute for
experience Superior Excel skills, ability to program in Visual Basic,
and experience with: advanced formulas, pivot tables, programming macros
(in Excel) Experience with SAP Project Systems (PS), Business Warehouse
(BW), Business Objects (BOBj) and / or SAP Project & Portfolio
Management (PPM) Desired: Advanced Power Point and SharePoint skills
Knowledge of advanced database, report development, analytics Business
Intelligence (BI) applications Strong analytical skills to solve
problems as they arise and ability to multitask in a variety of projects
at a time Demonstrated ability to deliver, written and orally, a clear
and concise message through various mediums Demonstrated superior work
ethic and exceptional levels of accountability, self-drive, and business
judgment Demonstrated ability to work independently Experience with
designing compliance program Experience coaching/mentoring project teams
Project management and controls experience Experience with benefit
measurement and cost estimate of savings
Responsibilities:
Responsibilities (Responsibilities are representative, not exhaustive)
SPSI Change Leadership Work with Change Leadership to develop, maintain,
and disseminate an SPSI Adoption Dashboard that can be given to LOB
leadership with specific actionable information. This may include:
Comparison of SPSI eligible new projects to what is actually in the
system Quality of SPSI data in the system Movement of cost data from
default operation numbers to SPSI operation numbers. (This would show
that someone is catching errors and correcting them) Ability to pull
list of individuals who are charging default operations instead of SPSI
operations Usage of SPSI dashboards and key reports SPSI Training
completion Help develop and manage a Communication Plan to demonstrate
long-term commitment to SPSI and exemplify "wins ". Messaging from LOB
leaders using existing forums (Change Leadership team) Critical Success
Factors Metrics Track and report on SPSI Critical Success
Factors/adoption metrics bi-weekly during stabilization period Identify
and track issues related to system use and training Work with LOB
Leadership, IT, Training Academy and Change Leadership to resolve system
issues Review process compliance & coach users Plan project reviews
to coach new users, gather feedback and monitor system use to identify
training and/or solution enhancements Identify projects that require
additional support and facilitate identification of additional resources
required to improve performance May conduct project assessments to
review compliance to existing processes and procedures. Focus on large /
high risk / complex projects with significant spend in 2016, via
regular, independent check-ins with teams. Use this one-on-one project
team outreach to assess how large projects are actually using the
system, and to identify potential areas for solution refinement. Monitor
system use, including agreed upon metrics. Generate performance reports
Benefits Realization Set groundwork/structure to track benefits
realization against business case Review proposed metrics and agree on
final ones to be tracked Set metric baseline and annual target to enable
performance measurement For metrics that are not available in SPSI
reports, assign responsibility to LOB contacts for measuring each metric
and reporting semi-annually Develop report template to be used for
benefit reporting and agree production frequency and audience
I’m sorry, I couldn’t read that. What I did read looks like a nightmare, not people I’d like to work for. Masters of incomplete sentences from what I can see. Even the full sentences seem to be missing a point.
So, they went through all the trouble of creating a nicely-formatted description, and the copy-pasted it into a plain text email, which fubarred the formatting to hell and back.
As far as content… Looks like typical garbage coming out of an HR department that is more interested in marketing all the right buzzwords, rather than hiring good quality people. This position will be open again inside a year.
They’ll get a paper warrior with no idea what to do, when they really need someone with the drive to do the job, not the qualifications. Something like this really looks like it would be better filled internally. Obviously, despite the nine million requirements the main one is to know the company.
Looking at the paperwork and reporting requirements, they don’t need a paper warrior. They need paper siege artillery.
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My response to that wall 'o text can be summed up thusly :
tl;dr:dilligaf
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I prefer “Minesweeper Consultant and Solitaire Expert”. 
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