[Note to mods: I was going to put this in “Children and other assorted demons” but the content is not complaint-based, so I created a new thread. Feel free to move if you disagree.]
As Bill Cosby said: kids say the darndest things!
My 4 year old last night, during dinner:
“I can’t eat THAT!”
“Why not?”
[without missing a beat] “My hands are too sparkly”.
(Side note: his hands were clean. 
)
I had to take the youngest to the prompt care clinic today (he likely has Fifth Disease, which is harmless but itchy and kind of off-putting when you don’t know what it is at first). It’s hard to keep my oldest from running his mouth and saying THE most random things while I’m trying to talk to the nurse or doctor about something. He kept talking about burning the building down with the Incendio (or whatever) spell from Harry Potter. He’s goofy about it, so no one takes him seriously, but it’s completely facepalm-worthy from a parental perspective.
So, anyway, the nurse was finishing up the intake exam and about to leave when Oldest says, “Mom, I found this fun activity we can do that I think you’ll like. It involves alcohol.”
It was all I could do to maintain a poker face as he paused and the nurse left, but inside I was thinking, "Child, if you only knew how you may have implicated your mother, who generally does like activities involving alcohol, to a random health professional, who may now be wondering about my personal consumption, if my child speaks so casually about it.
But he was talking about making tie-dye shirts with rubbing alcohol. Please let the nurse have figured that out…
Kids. SRSLY. They’re here to keep us humble…
Nice. My youngest has done pretty well at not implicating me in crimes. She does do the typical “Why is that person so Ugly” type of questions, but less so now that she’s maturing a bit and realizing some things.
OTOH, she dropped a bomb on me this morning. Well, Daddy, I am going to be the class of 2025 you know.
And I’m like derp? 2025 is the freaking future man. I couldn’t possibly be this old now.
I’ve said something similar, except I was much older and under the influence of…things.
Friends of $Wife had a son who was a big boob-grabber when he was little. We’re thankful he grew out of it, as that’s one of those things that gets less cute the older he gets.
I try, with mixed success, to apply what I know of dog training to child raising. Does, “If you laugh at him for doing it, you’re rewarding him.” apply to a three-year old human?
Yes, actually small children are a lot like smart dogs until about 4 or 5, and in some cases a bit older.
And below 3 totally like a dog.
So YOU’RE the walrus?
The youngest last night, on the subject of wetting the bed (paraphrased):
“When I’m fast asleep, I can’t get up to go to the bathroom. So to stay dry, I need to be slow asleep.”
Delivered with the most sincere matter-of-factness. 
Six is such a fun age!