Ooo or the Infinitely Expanding JPG!
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Why not do both?
Muhuhahaha
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This one should be fun. Apparently all the money is in a SUSPENSE ACCOUNT. I can’t wait to see what that is!
Dear Rizak.
I would respectfully request that you keep the contents of this mail to yourself alone and respect the confidentiality of the information you come by as a result of this email. For some time now, I have been frantically searching for family relatives of Late Rizak Dirshe, hence my reason for contacting you to see if you will consent to connect with you on this project that will be beneficial to both parties. You need first to carry out a research and wider consultation to see if the facts as presented are true and the transaction means no harm to your hard earned reputation and religious belief. I am quite aware of fraudulent business solicitation of this nature that is prevalent in the Internet over the years, this is not so allow your instincts to guide you.
The late client left a legacy of USD$7,900.000 with a leading commercial Bank. Due to confidentiality reasons, I cannot divulge the data of my client at this time until I get your consent and interest to be part of the transaction. I knew a lot of questions and concerns would be going through your mind and thoughts. Among which are (1) How did I find you irrespective of the fact that you are not the only one bearing (Rizak) in the whole wide world. (2) What is the risk involved to enable consent or decline consent. (3).What are the procedures of claim and associate cost from both parties? (4). How feasible is the entire project? The above represent a few vital questions that might be bothering you.
To address the above mentioned concerns, without mincing words. I have the same fears of betrayal like you having met each other through one of the most abused means of communication being the Internet that has repeated a history of abuses over the years. Having been aware of fraudulent email solicitation of this nature that turned out to be false and ruins a lot of unsuspecting persons. To allay each party’s fears of the unknown, I will suggest where we draft a legally enforceable mechanism to protect each other’s right and investment in the transaction. As far as I am concerned, the transaction is safe, legitimate and can be verified. At no point are you being used to launder ill gotten money or being used as a front for any clandestine association in whatever guise. I got your contact details during my search for a classified Internet advertorial. Our coming together should be described as an act of God as such divinely.
It’s been 3 years and 6 months since the late client passed away. The statutory period within which we must nominate an administrator to the estate will expire in 4 four months from now. Once the said statutory period elapses, the fund will be declared unserviceable and transferred to government SUSPENSE ACCOUNT. This process is riddled with corruption. Eventually, corrupt government officials will put their cronies in the position to act as administrators to the deceased estate to claim the money and share it for their personal use.
Normally this is how dishonest banks executives make their ill gotten wealth, But given the economic realities of today and the reality of the damages caused by COVID-19, I decided to swing into action to see how we can salvage the situation and prevent the bank from claiming the said funds because I realized that there will be massive layoff with the damages caused by this pandemic and I may be affected. I guess this has affected you in one way or the other too, so we both stand to benefit from this. I will be very honest now and always. I do not want to allow the state to claim the above mentioned fund. I contacted you in the best interest of helping each other and on the strength of my conviction to successfully nominate you as legally appointed administrator to the deceased estate even though both of you are not biologically related. The conditions being that we will dedicate 20% of the fund to charity and then share the balance 80% for our personal use.
Take Note- You will be required to come down to Lome Togo once we agree to pursue this together unless you choose otherwise, then we can revert to PROXY representation by a lawyer of your choice. I have made all arrangements to enable us to receive these funds within two weeks. It’s easy considering the fact that it’s the same last name. I will send further procedures to be adopted in the claim, were you to consent.
- Total amount involved is (USD$7,900.000)
- 40% will go to you as gratification for your participation.
- 20% will be used to acquire and build an orphanage in memory of the deceased.
- 40% will be for me.
Be rest assured that all processes will be executed within the ambit of laws of both countries. I await your reply and acceptance.
Thank you
Bradley Myers.
00228-98119914
Funnily enough, this part does make a bit of sense, although not for the government to do so (unless it’s a government-run bank). Putting it in a suspense account just “moves” it in accounting terms to a temporary GL account until they decide where it should be allocated to. We use suspense accounts at work for GL items (payroll, commission, etc.) that aren’t properly coded in our HRIS - it just means someone has to go in each payroll period and allocate them to the correct accounts.
Other than that it is, of course, a complete scam. 
The suspense is killing me…
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20% for an orphanage, that’s what $1.58m
A local very very very very small junior school (we’re talking maybe five or six pupils per year, years K through 6) was rebuilt entirely from scratch in 2018. It has six classrooms, a toilet block, canteen, hall, secretary’s office and teacher’s lounge.
That cost £2.9m which is just shy of $4m right now. I can only imagine $1.58m being able to build a house with maybe five, six bedrooms… that’s gonna be one miserably small orphanage 
that is a veritable word salad. TL;DR : DILLIGAF would be my reply to said scammer.
Wow. This guy is better prepared than I thought. Here is his reply to me saying that I was looking into getting a plane ticket to come take care of this in person. He’s very helpful. I think he may have had to help people with this type of personal crisis before.
There is no international travel entry restriction due to the COVIS - 19 Pandemic here in Lome Togo. You will be screened electronically to be sure you’re CORONA free. Your decision to come down in person to discuss with the Bank and concerned authorities is a welcome development and find further guidance with regards to your intended visit.
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Seven days Tourist Visa will be issued to you ON ARRIVAL at point of entry here in Lomé–Tokoin Airport, also known as Gnassingbé Eyadéma International Airport Lome Togo. You will be guided and assisted on Visa processing once I have your complete flight schedule (Carrier Name, Flight Number and precise time of Arrival). Scan copy of your international passport and electronic ticket will suffice for this mentioned requirement.
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Visa application fee is approximately USD$200 equivalent in our local currency (XOF). You will be issued with a 7 days tourist Visa on arrival. While your stay here will not take more than 3 working days as such you are advised to schedule your flight booking to tally with a 3 days return ticket to enable you to face business appointments you might have back home.
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You need to make a hotel reservation before your departure from your city. It is a mandatory requirement for issuance of tourist Visa at point of entry here in Lome. I will reach you with the most suitable hotel name and locations to enable you to make such a reservation once I have your electronic ticket copy.
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Remember there is a mandatory processing fee of USD$8,500.00 (Eight Thousand Five Hundred United States Dollars) it will be paid as cash deposit on arrival during a meeting with the Bank official and concerned authorities here in Lome Togo. It is a mandatory Deposit to free the fund as earlier briefed. You need to find a way either to have it as cash with you while coming or to make a direct wire transfer before your arrival.
I am urgently waiting to have your electronic ticket copy to enable me to book an appointment for you with the concerned authorities before your arrival.
Thank you
Bradley Myers.
00228-98119914
From Not Always Right:Legal comes this gem :
I Also Have A DeLorean, A Police Box, A Firefly, And A 1967 Impala
Geeks Rule, Louisiana, Phone Scam, USA | Legal | February 16, 2022
I am sitting in my bedroom with my wife when I get a call that says, “Spam Risk,” so I answer it, and it is a typical car warranty scam.
Caller: “Hello, my name is [Caller]. What is the make and model of your car?”
Me: “I have a 1927 Model T.”
Caller: “Do you have a more modern vehicle that might qualify for a warranty?”
Me: “I have an NCC-1701-D.”
Caller: “I’m sorry, what was that?”
Me: “I know it’s a scam! Stop calling me, jerks!”
Click
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Scammer: Your vehicle, XR23 TFG, was illegally parked on private property, and you have ignored our penalty notice deadline, so I must inform you that the fees now include a £400 tracing fee and a £1,200 court summons fee.
Me: You’re aware that it is 2022, right?
Scammer: Yes, of course.
Me: Repeat that number plate.
Scammer: XR23 TFG.
Me: And it is 2022.
Scammer: Sir?
Me: So, ignoring for a moment that there are no counties in the UK that begin with the letter X, how do I have a number plate issued next year?
Scammer: [pauses] What do you mean?
Me: Well, it’s pretty simple. In order for there to be a 23 in my number plate, I would have to buy a car in 2023.
Scammer: Er…
Me: And there are no DVLA administrative districts with the letter X because there are no counties that begin with the letter X.
Scammer: Listen, I just get given the details…
Me: And you’re calling me on an ex-directory number, so I must inform you that under the Telephony Act 1998, you are breaking the law—
He hung up.
British number plates are pretty straightforward: two letters (county, town) two numbers (year) three letters (sequential). We do have an odd 6-month cycle though, where the second half of the year gets n+50 in order to issue more number plates than we would otherwise have allocation for; so for example YY05 ABC would be Yorkshire, York, first half of 2005, ABC and YY65 ABC would be Yorkshire, York, second half of 2015, ABC.
You cannot get plates issued ahead of time but you can reserve them.
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We’ve been having more spammers than usual signing up lately. I sometimes mock them when I delete them.
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Attagirl! That’s the way to go!
durp gurr durr
got this in my spam folders, had a nice chuckle at this one :
At long last I gots myself one of these :
Come at me bro. Seriously. No? Then piss off like the little snivelling piece of turd which you are.
btw I do have 3 logins with this password to 3 different forums, but those forums have long since expired, so I’m not fazed about that.
edit : the third one was still active. Have changed its password now.
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I’ve gotten a few of those. I know exactly which email account it was (my spam account), and I don’t care. That password isn’t used on anything else.
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Remember Emily? The huckster for all sorts of things?
I have been getting messages from a company I bought something from and their ad emails start off with “Emily from” in the subject line. So I think it’s a kind of default for a mass marketing email program and nobody’s bothering to change it when they use it for their scams.
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Another entry in the public service announcement arena and not so much on the mocking.
A computer company called Artesian Builds does live streams of the custom PCs they build. They have a program where they’ll give away a PC to their ambassadors (affiliates). From what I saw in one of the videos I’ll link to below, the partnerships were very much in favor of Artesian Builds, such as requiring the AB logo to be displayed on the ambassador’s streaming channel for 6 months in exchange for half off the cost of a custom PC, and they may have focused on smaller streamers that might not have enough experience to negotiate a better deal.
In last week’s giveaway, a streamer named kiapiaa was selected. The CEO of AB, Noah Katz, decided right after she was picked to check to see if she qualified for the drawing, while the event was being streamed. He reads off her combined number of followers on social media, judges it to be low, and wants to know if she has any “redeeming qualities”. He checks the analytics dashboard and sees no one clicked on the AB link during the three months she’s been an ambassador. So, she’s “purged” (disqualified). A re-roll is immediately done to pick a different winner. Noah celebrates removing her entry and picking someone else.
kiapiaa posts this on Twitter, and gets a lot more attention. You can read the summary on the Dexerto website. At least two other streamers had similar experiences with AB.
- In KristoferYee’s coverage of this, he points out that by changing the rules to have minimum requirements, it may not legally be a giveaway any longer. Some people have contacted him for help with fixing issues with the computers they got from AB.
- JayzTwoCents decides to set aside what he had planned for the day and built a computer for her with a few components donated by EVGA. He states that changing the giveaway rules is illegal and two states would be involved in any lawsuit that came from this.
- The WAN Show from Linus Tech Tips weighs in (from 1m53s to 16m57s) on why you should “never hate on your community”. Several companies and people are either ending or reevaluating their relationship with AB.
- The apology videos from Noah Katz don’t go over well because some aren’t much of an apology.
- Saturday, March 5 at 12:52 pm Pacific time, AB announces on Twitter, “At this point we are examining a potential employee-led buy-out of the company. Thank you for your support.”
- Thirteen minutes later, Twitch streamer Tyler “Trainwreck” Niknam offers to buy the company. PowerGPU offers to back him after the purchase by fulfilling any backorders AB might have.
About two hours ago when I started looking into this, the Artesian Builds website displayed a warning message and looked like it was reloading. I snagged a screenshot and here’s what it said:
Check your browser before accessing artesianbuilds.com.
This process is automatic. Your browser will redirect to your requested content shortly.
Redirecting…
DDoS protection by Cloudflare
The site’s intermittent right now. That message sounds like they’re being hit with denial of service attacks.
I’ll close with this: Artesian Builds has good people there. One at the top, not so much. Keep that in mind when you talk about the company.
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Good Lord, don’t livestream your idiotic decision stream.
I saw the JayzTwoCents video on that, and several other videos as well.
None of them were complimentary to AB.