So… A year ago this June I was in a motorcycle accident that busted my fat ass up pretty bad, caused my heart to stop twice, and left me in the ICU for two weeks. Right.
April 9th of this year, I was admitted to the hospital again with congestive heart failure. Long story short, I have high blood pressure (hypertensive) and had been eating a shitload of crap that was not good for me and loaded with sodium. This caused my body to act like a ginormous sponge and greedily retain water that should have rightfully been returned to the environment. This made my blood pressure much worse. The trigger event came about when I got the sniffles and asked Mrs. Boomer to pick me up some decongestant. Not bothering to read labels completely (hell, I’m a guy. We don’t read anything…) I took two doses at the recommended interval. Somehow I managed to see the recommended interval, but totally missed the warning that said “I will kill you if you have high blood pressure and drink me”.
This pissed my heart off and it fought back. I woke up in the middle of the night almost unable to breathe. The only thing that relieved it was to sit up, so I remained awake the rest of the night. Several hours later I felt a bit better but by that time Mrs. Boomer insisted that I make a doctor appointment. So I went. The doc was concerned and sent me down for tests. The results came back and she called and said she was admitting me and to get my ass to the hospital “A-fucking-SAP” (yes, she said exactly that).
They pumped me full of LASIX and kept me for three days, hooked up to all kinds of gizmos and blinky-things. I also had a heart catheterization. This was fun because I LOVE having wires snaked through my veins and into my chest. While I’m wide awake. Oh, and I got nice, new blood pressure meds that actually work now too.
The good news was that I felt much better once the BP came down to sane levels and I had pissed like an entire stable full of race horses (I learned that my bladder will hold over 1.5 liters). The bad news is that when they did the heart cath, they found four blocked arteries in my heart. 2 at 70%, one at 80% and one at 100%. Despite these blockages, my distal blood flow readings were normal, leading them to believe my heart had performed its own bypass. I was referred to the Cleveland Clinic, where for two months I’ve been poked and prodded by a guy who specializes in the re-plumbing of chests. He was perplexed because of how well I appeared to be feeling and was not willing to start ripping me apart until he had more information.
So, after my final test last week (an MRI), I was given the news. I would NOT be having quadruple bypass surgery. Apparently, my heart was severely damaged in my accident, to the point where the bypass surgery wouldn’t be of benefit to me. Therefore, it’s “a lifestyle change” (diet and exercise) for me.
Still, I’m glad I still get to be here so I’ve got that going for me…