This is more of a “things I do say at work”, rather than wishful fantasising. At the end of the day I have been known to quote Cartman from South Park:
“Screw you guys, I’m going home.”
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Yeah, screw you guys.
Not you guys, the guys here at $work… 
Anyways, TL;DR - mother company in $country reached the limits for VPN accounts on their firewall appliance. We tried to get a new router so as to allow for site-to-site VPN, but was not successful.
Only now recently did we manage to get $top_brass to understand what we need and do, that the router was delivered (albeit very reluctantly). It is in the process of being commissioned as I type this.
Also had some fun today. Nearly downloaded some brownware when I played around with one of our Minolta printerers (we need user authentication for.every.single.print.job) and I needed to check if we can get some sort of accounting thing going on the printerers.
Luckily panic is part and parcel of my experience, made me step back and think “WTF did I just do???”
Suffice to say the printerer is printering once more… and I have learnt something.
Ah well, gotta tell $Boss I’ll be in on Sunday (not Saturday as it’s our Sabbath) to see if I can set up user accounting on the printerer, it’ll be easier that way, less people moo-ing about their preciouses jobs not printering.
Ook out.
Dear $Minolta_printerer
Kindly fsck off and do as I say.
kthanxbai
Fixed that for you.
Dear $Joker
All right, which of you guys tole the printerer to scan in, and email to me “NARF”?
Now I’ve got the pinky and brain theme song stuck in my head…
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[quote=“Ook, post:449, topic:435”]
Luckily panic is part and parcel of my experience, made me step back and think “WTF did I just do???”[/quote]
Ah. Young Padawan, you have experienced the trouser-filling essence of the Oh-No-Second. The instant in time right after you commit an irrecoverable command what you realise that you’ve done it wrong.
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I did that once in college. I ran a program and had it overwrite its source code with its output. After the 45 minute panic attack it took me an hour to recreate the program that initially had taken me 2 weeks to write.
Thank goodness the point of the project was to create documentation of everything in the program (variable names, what they did, why they did it, etc.) and I had very good notes at that point.
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Dear $Vendor,
The problem isn’t so much that you’re pulling data late, it’s that we have to tell you that you were late - you know our requirements and expectations, yet we have to tell you when your systems miss the schedule.
If you told us before missing the schedule that we might have a miss, we’d be slightly more forgiving.
Dear $cow-orker
You tried to connect to the server on Friday after wiping and reinstalling your craptop.
Then why didn’t you call me then when you had issues in connecting to the server? Or did you intentionally plan to goof off on that day?
Yes, very bad, indeed. What’s worse, however, is the fact that one of the major reasons this has happened to every single instance $luser has submitted is for the short, simple fact that $luser doesn’t understand her arse from a hole in the ground when it comes to the system and the data held within. So, when she submits sh!t, she’ll receive it in kind. Of course, she’ll expect things to end up a certain way, when, in fact, the system is doing exactly what it was designed to do. But that’s over $luser’s head. It should work her way because potato. Kindly get off your soapbox proclaiming $luser to be the martyr of the year to our system’s demanding dictatorial ways.
Thanks a lot for giving us extra work to do by putting the APs on top of the ceiling covers. Now we have to go through supposed location and lift up tiles until we find one. Jerks.
We are not tragiilariously behind the rest of the world in terms of technology and processes. We have Internet access. We are not running Windows XP and Office 2007 (if we’re lucky). We really do find some of the best and brightest. The mission is worth this. I have a future here.
Hey now, I’m typing this on a machine running XP and Office 2007.
At least you aren’t in NASA running a spaceship with a hardened 486sx.
Ha! I just put a 486dx on the curb a couple days ago. Almost shed a tear… good times.
You know, you keep saying that if a person takes on a ticket, they are responsible for seeing it through to the end. And yet, more often than not, you keep dumping tickets you’ve acknowledged and started working on to me, for whatever reason and these aren’t even complex tickets, when I already have other tickets to deal with. It’s things like this that lessen my respect for you.
Your predecessor never did this. She was too busy doing rather than talking and that made her very easy to respect.
Dear $Procurement Officer
I gave you a couple of requsition forms for software and laptops we’re supposed to order. Then, two/three days after I gave it to you, you went on leave without re-assigning said requistion forms to somebody else.
Today we have issues because of no laptops, and two new people employed. Now it makes me look bad.
Please get lost, kthanxbai.
Dear $Project_Damager
Fek off and die. I’m busy with 5 other laptops before I can get to yours.
I gave you a loaner yesterday to tide you over until I can get yours installed.
Now shut the f*** up.
Have you tried requisitioning a guillotine or a howitzer? Electric chair?
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A howitzer sound good.
I’m thinking of nuking said luser’s home directory with the good old rm -rf… (or del .)
For @Ook.
From Maxim 37 Industries
Any issues with perspective or isometric parallelism is solely the fault of the Marketing Department.
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