Gonna give it a week, then kick it up to management, if no response after another week, then fire marshal…
So I send you an email asking for assistance with providing a loaner laptop to someone who needs it while I’m at a meeting since shortly after that, I’m going home. A full hour passes, I’m already done with the meeting, and when I walk back to my desk, the loaner is still sitting there completely untouched. I don’t know what you’re doing at your desk, but apparently it’s not reading any emails because I see it’s still unread by the time I left the office. You also don’t sound like you’re super duper busy either.
Congratulations, you have reached the much-deserved position of “Useless”. And I’m going to start referring to you as Mr. Useless.
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Dear ‘Senior’ Engineer,
When our boss told us that you’d be the primary lead on building a new RH 7 image with our security controls installed, I did not expect to be telling you how to do your job. For one, if you want this image to pass a scan it helps if not only do you make the security changes but if you actually PATCH THE DAMN THING! Also, your statement of ‘the install is minimal with no unneeded programs’ does not mean you don’t install basic VMware Tools or Symantec Antivirus. Again, if you’d bother to get it attached to the Satellite server, maybe we could install the other programs that are needed for a basic image. You clearly don’t understand what a basic image is and I’m tired of you constantly saying you are the ‘senior’ engineer and trying to pull rank. Every time I get stuck working with you on something I end up doing all your fucking work. Knock it off!
KTHNXS
P.s… Also don’t give me that crap that it will take you days to get a list of all the security settings together. You’re supposed to be working off of a list. That’s your list! MORON!!!
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Oh yeeeeeah. Now I know exactly what I want for Christmas. >;o)
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We are fighting with the main office to replace a piece of equipment and have been for a month. We think it’s a necessity; they consider it foolish. It’s a surgical laser and we all love it here, though they have never had one at the other hospitals and get along fine.
Cons: Costs around $15K
Pros: Generates around $15K in revenue each year
Yeah. I’m having trouble understanding why this is even a question…
(And the revenue doesn’t even include the mandatory declaw after-care package profits we are losing daily, since we won’t do declaws without the laser. And there’s around $70 profit on each of those, so…)
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Obviously, since the laser must only last 6 months, the economics don’t stack up 
Yeah - that seems like a no-brainer to me too.
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Last one lasted 15 years. So…
Listen here $fsckinglazyass
I cannot physically check your LAN connections for you remotely. So either you get off your butt and do it yourself or you ask somebody else to help you with that.
I can only tell you to check that it is plugged in etc, but more than that I cannot do.
Kindly piss off and leave me alone, kthanxbai.
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But don’t you have telepresence and telekinesis? Surely you can see his problem and fix it for him without leaving your desk? That’s how tech support works, right? 
For crying out loud, you have a loaner laptop at your desk. Stop taking the ones from the cabinet if you already have one that you love to keep at your desk. And if it’s not working right, why don’t you re-image it? The steps are available online and don’t give me the spiel that since I do it often, I’m the best man for the job. You’re supposed to be able to do the same things I am, you idiot.
This is why I want to roll my eyes whenever you tell me “I’m not able to do things as fast as you”; Well, duh, you don’t do anything.
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They apparently need more practice! Perfect opportunity to try to improve! Or if they fail yet again, suggest crawling into a hole to die. (my motivational speaking mode wears off quickly.)
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I am the best at every aspect of my job and everyone seems to think that it’s because of some sort of voodoo.
It’s attention to detail and hard work, maybe my speed is 10 years of experience and some natural talent, but doing it slow and wrong isn’t helping me with the overflow and it’s not like doing it slow and right is actually out of reach.
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Hear, hear! I wish more people would think this way instead of striving to find the easiest route to “delegate” to someone. I fully understand the need to delegate, but when someone visits my desk three times during the day telling me “It’s so quiet, there’s nothing to do” when clearly there are things you should be doing to take advantage of the downtime, that’s just being lazy.
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How I wish I can say that to him. He has every opportunity to do so and little to no repercussions if he messes something up because of it, but nope, he makes absolutely no effort.
I’m a fire marshal…
Since our CIO is from Austria, I have asked the one Austrian sysadmin to email me just exactly why you cannot use powder-based extinguishers on server kit. Which he did.
I then emailed $CIO, informing him of the fact that the CO2’s are all empty, and $Procurement’s doing sweet FA.
Will see what happens.
Next step will be to email all involved, telling them that I absolve myself of any blame when the time comes, a fire breaks out and I need to use an highly-verboten powder-based extinguisher on server kit…
Of course I keep on refreshing that ticket for the CO2 refills. Titanium CYA.
Calling what you did ‘help’ makes me wonder if you know what that word means.
I know we’ve connected Service A to Interface B and Service X to Service Y like a hundred times now. If you suddenly think we’re going to connect A to Y and X to B, please let the people who make the pretty pictures know and be prepared to explain why.
I understand you’re old-school, but seriously, call the main support line. If I decide to sleep early one evening, I’m not going to notice your email asking for help. Only a phone call will be able to wake me up enough. You’ve been here many years now, this shouldn’t be new to you.
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I have enabled the “do not disturb” function on my phone, only select famdamily members and friends will be able to phone me after work.
The rest (work, cold callers, etc) can have a nice cuppa STFU
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I’m actually on-call for most of the work week, but I take full advantage of the semantics of it. Only when I get called by our main support line or my boss will I help them out. Anything else, I happily ignore. This is made better by the fact that issues rarely get escalated to us off-hours; The users in my office have gotten used to letting the majority of problems stew until the following work day.
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