For Christs’ sake if you leave that door open one more time I’m buying one of those damn hydraulic auto-closers! You don’t sit on this side of the room, you can’t feel the Arctic draft that races like a hurricane over my feet!
I’d rather kiss a COBOL programmer.
I keep threatening to replace my neighbor’s storm door hydraulic closer one night. It’s not my house, it’s not damaging to my house, but their flapping door offends me for no sane reason.
I can arrange that. 
His wife might have a problem with it though.
Take a cordless drill, screw it shut. Doesn’t have to be permanent, just enough to send a message. 
It’s not the closer. It’s the latch. If it was latching properly, they wouldn’t be having this problem.
I applaud your ability to troubleshoot remotely, but I think the total lack of a hydraulic closer suggests that might be the problem.
Oh, so they are the kind of people who don’t close a door behind them. My bad, I forgot to factor in stupidity.
Sigh. I can’t believe I forgot to do that. I was a math minor.
Now you’re just embarrassing yourselves.
I can’t embarrass myself if I don’t feel embarrassed.
I’ve made a huge discovery about you: You are truly a perpetually grumpy person and nothing will ever make you happy because your standards for happiness belong to the realm of fantasy. I guess not having to a pay dime in living expenses, having someone do all of your cooking, cleaning, and laundry, getting to keep all of the money you make, and knowing a lot of people who can do big favors for you is way below your standards.
Very glad you’re just an in-law; No way in hell will I ever want to be direct blood-related family with you there.
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Fsck off. I don’t give a rats arse about your cats, how scared they get, and whether they like the noise or not. In case you’ve never done this before, welcome to apartment living where someone lives above you. I’ve got young kids, and despite my best efforts, they will be just that. Walking, dancing, moving, sitting down, taking a shower, taking a shit, etc. You’ll hear it all. It comes with the territory. It’s why I haven’t bothered the folks who live above me, despite their child insisting that their hallway is the next grand prix. Or that they love to slam their cabinet drawers. I know it doesn’t mean a damned thing if I say anything and it isn’t going to change. No, I will not call you in advance if I have company over. In all honesty, bub, if you don’t like it, go live in a house or an apartment where no one lives above you. That’s your best bet. If you’re not willing to do that, then shut your trap and deal with it 
like the rest of us.
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Maybe I should give that person my ex-neighbors. A few occurrences of them slamming shit against the wall, as if they are about to come through it, or the dipshit standing in the hallway screaming for forty minutes, and he’ll be giving your kids Power Wheels.
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Anyone who, knowing that the next wave of enemies is tanks, issues the order to “fix bayonets” deserves to have their ass retro-fitted as an ammo dump.
I lived in an apartment for about a year where the people above me had really loud sex at about 2 in the morning. Like loud as in woke us up more than a few times. Headboard banging moaning shouting sex. It’s just the sort of thing you have to get used to in apartment living.
Hell, when I got another apartment years later, I made sure I got a top floor unit, and then I ended up with really old people below me who heated my apartment for me all year. I think they left the heat on 76 or something, I used to have to open the windows if it was over 40 outside.
The first apartment dakwife & I had when we got married was like that. Except it was a family of 4 or 5 (and they had a home birth while we lived there). We’d open the patio door in the middle of January to cool things down. Rarely did we have to turn out thermostat above 60 as they did it for us.
10 years later, one of the occupants of that unit was my acupuncturist. Purely by coincidence… Had no idea until we were talking one day. Which was also when I found out about the home birth - we had no idea it had happened while we were there.
Cheering them on can sometimes be effective.
And, yeah, having an older tenant who likes to keep their place warm can be nice in the winter as long as they are doing it by non-fire-hazard methods.
LMAO 
srsly
Being woken up by loud sex is either irritating or has other effects. My ex-wife would usually wake up before me. My reaction was solely based on her reaction. I’m lucky it didn’t condition me for life.
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If you’re a worker at a retail store, there is a difference between being attentive to your customers and being intrusive. If a customer is walking slowly in a section, looking like they’re lost or confused and you offer to help, that’s being attentive.
But if they are walking past you on their way to a section or they just get there and you immediately ask if they need any help, you’re being intrusive because you’re stopping them from finding what they want.
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